I am a fat ass but I long to be freed of my fat straightjacket

Hi there, Fat Ass,

There is nothing to say here other than this: if not when, when? What the fuck are you waiting for? Diabetes? Cancer? Early death? A lifetime of unrealized hopes, aspirations, yearnings buried forever under adipose tissue?

Every summer since I was 13, I vowed to lose weight and return to school a svelte vamp. I would show them. I would wow everyone who had ridiculed me for being fat or ignored me because I was invisible because I was the fat girl. Every fall I slunk into the first day of school fat, embarrassed, self conscious, uncomfortable, less and less myself. The connection between who I am on the inside and what appeared on the outside to the rest of the world seemed to be looser and looser, disappearing into layers of fat, becoming more frayed until I became totally disconnected from me.

It has been this way for years. And years. And years. I start out every day with the best of intentions. Every day I try. Every day I have failed. But I will not give up on me. I am in here somewhere, I know it. And one day I will emerge. I have to.

So this fat that drove a wedge between and the rest of the world --and most importantly, alienated me from me -- must go. It has to. But how? I don't know yet.